Find joy in every day

Cajun Kitchen, holla! I honestly didn’t know Patty loved...

Wed, 23 Dec 2009 18:22:00 -0600

Cajun Kitchen, holla!

I honestly didn’t know Patty loved ketchup this much.

Wheels of Fun! I loved the name of this rental shop and kept chuckling to myself.

What good friends I have, waiting for me while I pick some wild flowers.

My basket.

Making a wish.

I liked this idea.

A pelican.

The goal.

Two thumbs up for their method of travel to the pier.

Nice normal girls.

Are actually psycho.

Easily my favorite.

Look at his chill spot.

The look she gave a man who rang his bell at her for stopping in the middle of the bike lane. Or, the picture that will cheer me up on my darkest of days.

The tree at Yogurtland.

Photoshoot.

Hung out in front of the Art building chilling, reading, chatting.

Until it got too dark to see anything.

Delighted to see SB made a skate lane.

What great lengths we went to protect her baby the public needs not know.

Coincidentally Jane’s favorite restaurant in SB is named “Jane”.

Red rings.

Patty’s burger. Everything was incredibly delicious.

We love Jane!!!! At Zodo’s for late nite bowling.

Yeah, I love my friends.

View from Jane’s apartment the next day. So gorgeous.

Frescos twosome.

Love my friends. Oops did I already say that five times? Oh well, I do.

Shared a fruit cheesecake and tiramisu for dessert.

It’s true. Wish this came in a girl’s cut.

Farmer’s Market on Tuesdays.

SLUMBER PARTYYYY. We all agreed to put our hands under our chins but love that we each did it differently.

We love Jane, yes we do. Ate dinner at Edamase then headed back home with Jenny.

What a great trip with great friends.

The turn signal went on the moment he spotted the lady below....

Wed, 23 Dec 2009 01:08:00 -0600

The turn signal went on the moment he spotted the lady below. YES! (Look at the dude in the truck, perfect positioning to crash our photo!)

Maker of deliciousness.

Gone already?!

Good to the last bite.

My last bite. SO good, MMM it hurts.

South Coast Botanic Gardens.

Shriveled but still vibrant and beautiful. I hope to bow out this way.

Matching.

The cactus garden. So many different kinds.

These were twisty and grand. Magnificent.

Silver cacti.

Careful shapes and spikes.

How great are the holes?

Bugs gathered only in this flower. Why was this one special?

The intricate tip of this plant was extraordinary.

Catching dead leaves all day long.

What happened to your petals?

Spent a lot of time watching the heron and ducks from a bench. It was cold and he sat close. I took in the stillness and enjoyed each moment’s pass.

Ducks lined up in a row.

Clay tried Rite Aid ice cream for the first time. Talk of going steady and things.

Waiting at Union Station. Sweet extra days of play had me aching on the bus ride away.

Arrived in Santa Barbara for story time with the girls where I shared all the juicy details of moments that left me elated. Felt thankful I had girlfriends with whom I could share such things. Pictures of Santa Barbara tomorrow. This is enough for today.

Patty tried to exclude me but I added my name.

Cuppycakes. Lark. Hey looks it’s the Hollywood sign. How does such an ornery sign become so...

Sun, 20 Dec 2009 04:37:20 -0600

Cuppycakes.

Lark.

Hey looks it’s the Hollywood sign. How does such an ornery sign become so iconic? Tons of signs are waiting to hear.

California sky, I know no freedom as the one that exists under your clouds.

I name thee silver lake, even though we are no where near silver lake.

Precious filthy creature.

Rooftop cupcake dining.

All eyes on the cupcake. Poor creature.

Winner of best red velvet cupcake to date—Lark in Echo Park. The frosting was AMAZING with a perfect amount of sweetness. Lighter than pudding but similar to it.

The bizarre address arrangement. How are these people neighbors?

The paint chips, revealing what once was, and is, just beneath the surface.

Barns in Echo Park.

I am one with the trellis. The flowers on my shirt grow from the trellis. Ommm.

I might be feeding a dog flowers.

Caaaaaaaamon…

There was a remarkable neatness with which this flower bush grew.

A flower in Sharon’s front yard. Gorgeous.

What can be seen from Sharon’s backyard is something of a gift.

The trampoline whose springs gave way.

Eating at Sharon’s aunt’s home. Patty played music while Jenny and I danced beside the real live Christmas tree.

…

Each time we make plans, they do not go accordingly. Sara Watkins will need to wait another day. And once again, a change of plans led to walking and talking—crossing strings, looping and tying—exchanging pieces of family and self. Sometimes pulling memories and vulnerabilities from deep within, other times utterly inane commentary on passing moments. I love every moment of it. Did I mention how fun this is? How sweet it is to be living this.

winter break begins...with a bang.

Sat, 19 Dec 2009 22:53:00 -0600

My day began at 5:30AM in Texas. Almost missed my flight throwing in last minute items and washing the dishes from breakfast. At first the people at the counter of American Air were annoyed, chiding. You’re late, they aren’t waiting for anyone during the holiday rush. I apologized with a bag to check twenty minutes before take off. By the time I had gotten through the metal detector they were joking with me, referring to me by name. We wished each other a happy holiday like a couple of ‘ol chums. I think it was my pink scarf and shoe laces. It won them over.

I watched the sun “rise” from the plane. Sky brighten. Sun wash, golden glow. When I got to Dallas my flight home was cancelled so I got on a later flight.

On the way home from the airport my dad turns to me and asks, “Should we eat in-n-out for lunch?” It is JUST what I wanted. I looked at the food longingly and my dad asks, “well what are you waiting for, it’s best when it’s hot,” and proceeds to shove a handful of fries in his mouth. YES. We were both done with our burgers before we got home, just five minutes from in-n-out =)

Amazing record store on Melrose. Clay got in trouble for pulling records from the unmarked $50 and over shelf. My favorite part of this place were the people that owned it.

Bookface.

Gift exchange.

Everyone! I love these people.

After the office party was the after party where we played Fishbowl at S-Dub. It was great raucous fun. Andy played bartender and we feared he and Clay may not have a home after all the noise we made. So far so good.

We stood in the garage, leaning against my dad’s car talking, laughing, listening to the leaves scrape against the concrete. He inching closer. The reflection of christmas lights schizophrenically blinking. My mom. The three spiders that made homes between the first and second garage doors. Webs wavering in the wind. My mom again. The endearing moments abound, as do the awkward, nerve-racking, terrible-beautiful first stages of weaving two lives together.

“Well then I would ask you to be my steady girl.” Am I really living this? This is so great.

Consumed by thoughts of death yesterday. The penalty statutes, news of the suicide attempt, the...

Wed, 16 Dec 2009 10:20:00 -0600

Consumed by thoughts of death yesterday. The penalty statutes, news of the suicide attempt, the email. It is good to be reminded, sometimes. How fragile we are. How we need each other.

Yesterday was the last day the climbing wall would be open until after winter break. So straight after ConLaw and before my make-up Sentencing class I went climbing. There I saw Stuart who had argued before the Supreme Court earlier that day, taking time for himself to climb. Knowing it was the last time I’d be climbing for several days I went all out and gave myself new bruises and woke this morning with a soreness.

Today the cleaning begins so that I might return to a clean apartment in two weeks. Packing, too. Two days. Feeling fortunate this is an exciting time for me, but prayers for those who find this season to be especially lonely.

74° and sunny. I want to do a dance.

Mon, 14 Dec 2009 13:21:00 -0600

74° and sunny. I want to do a dance.

home for the holidays

Mon, 14 Dec 2009 11:18:05 -0600

Four days until I am reunited with all my loves. Hurry, Friday, hurry. Then, positively stop. Please.

"I will not use prayer to change things, but God will use prayer to change me."

Mon, 14 Dec 2009 11:15:29 -0600

“I will not use prayer to change things, but God will use prayer to change me.”

family history

Sun, 13 Dec 2009 17:09:00 -0600

It is interesting how the stories matter and somehow shape us. Even of those we never met (maybe especially those, shrouded in mystery). They are somehow important.

There is a lot I have heard from different people, but I am making it a goal this Christmas, to get the whole story on the long drive to Vegas. It’s about time I piece together the stories, replacing assumption with truth. Vulnerability is scary but necessary.

The sun was warm today. It hasn’t been for days. I walked at random all over town, just to be outside. My photo adventure was quickly ruined by skeezy men. Can’t you see I am trying to take a picture of this pile of tires? Leave me alone.

Recent pictures:

Happy 24th Barbara! Polka dot red velvet cake, hello kitty table cover, finger sandwiches and a pesto ball. It felt like a 5 year olds birthday party and I loved it.

Blueberry corncakes with honey. Breakfast some days.

Immunity Day Party. Git it James.

Plans to go to the zoo were cancelled on Saturday due to inclement weather and a couple of hungover friends. To cheer myself up I drew pictures on index cards. All. Day. Only stopped to climb and eat.

A local antique store is going out of business. Get yourself a set of rusted jail house keys for $3. They had a ton of iron spurs/signs/hooks/pins. I almost wished I had a use for them.

Store closing. The pale yellow paint and the bright blue awning are charming. I hope the next business keeps these things.

Reggy O Detail.

Another typical storefront.

One of my favorite signs.

I like the exposed springs on the frame.

Some trees still have their leaves. Most are on the ground, giving sight and sound to wind.

The Hippodrome is playing Die Hard. Why?

Collars and Cuffs.

I’d guess almost half the businesses in town are permanently closed without replacement for years. Like Bizzy Beez here.

“Bizzy Beez Buy & Sale”

Always begging to be photographed, the Alico building.

I don’t know why I bother. I have nothing to contribute to these conversations and nary a soul...

Sat, 12 Dec 2009 01:04:56 -0600

I don’t know why I bother. I have nothing to contribute to these conversations and nary a soul is interested in what then, instead, occupies my mind.

noko jeans

Thu, 10 Dec 2009 23:56:00 -0600

noko jeans:

$220 black jeans from North Korea. Three Swedish men in their 20s emailed North Korea in 2007 to produce jeans and increase contact with the hermit nation. The jeans were produced this past summer. Check out the two videos on the website.

The jeans are only being sold online right now (they were pulled from the shelves of a store in Stockholm just thirty minutes before their debut earlier this week).

In light of my last entry, I have no idea what to think of this. I think contact is good though.

sanctions

Thu, 10 Dec 2009 23:22:00 -0600

Towards the end of class, Prof. International Trade Law posed the following question today, “what is less humane, sanctions or war?” Not knowing much more than what I’ve learned in class thus far, my immediate response was “war of course”.

Then Prof. ITL explained that sanctions are used to manipulate foreign governments into changing their policies by hurting their economy (i.e. the person who runs the corner store). The government doesn’t buy and sell, the pressure is placed on the individuals that buy and sell. The hope is that this pressure on private enterprise will cause a level of discontent that translates into pressure on the government. This concept of manipulating nations through sanctions has worked when done well, when the shock was felt immediately. But sanctions lose all muster when in place for too long. Sanctions have proved totally futile in many ways—look at Cuba, Afghanistan, North Korea, Iraq (between the first time we went to war and the second time), Iran.

In terms of effectivity, America has enough military power to “knock out” a nation like Iran. But America does not have enough economic power on its own to starve the regime into submission. Unless everyone joins to utterly cripple a nation, the strong will get stronger and the weaker will die. As long as someone is trading with a nation, the nation will survive. So which is more humane? Which method results in the lowest number of blood lost? (Why does our world work this way?)

It’s not unusual that I immediately thought war caused more death. War is obvious—we see the lives lost. The American flag draped over the casket. The terrible slay of bodies after a bombing. We’ve all seen it in the news. What we don’t hear about are the people who starve to death because of sanctions. Sanctions strengthen those we want to weaken and weaken those we want to strengthen. Saddam was building palaces while his people starved. Kim Jong Il has a fattened belly while the children of his nation have bellies for the opposite reason. A vacuum of power is created and it does not tend to be fueled by the most benevolent. Today I learned that sanctions are no more humane than war. Sanctions don’t kill as many Americans. But blood flows through all our veins, human is human is human. How will history judge us?

The more Prof. ITL explained, a lump lodged in my throat as I thought of Joseph’s story. His dad starved to death in North Korea. He was orphaned at 13 because of a lack of food. It never ceases to BLOW MY MIND to think that people are starving to death RIGHT NOW. It doesn’t seem real.

The more I learn, the more I cannot comprehend why things must be this way.

Edit: I’ve added a response from my friend, Caroline, who knows much more about international relations than I do.

“I think your* initial reaction is still correct. Sanctions didn’t cause Kim Jong Il to build an expensive nuclear program and import Italian chefs to cook him pizza. It is unfair, yes, but he would have done those things regardless. Also, North Korea never really had great economic practices in place. The Soviet Union maintained the country, and so the Soviet collapse was what really sent North Korea on a downward spiral toward famine. U.S. sanctions certainly haven’t helped the situation, but I don’t think we’re largely responsible for it (though ethically, I don’t know if there’s a big difference between “a little” responsible and “a lot” responsible).

War costs the lives and psychological damage of soldiers on both sides, and the lives and psychological damage of civilians on one side. War also has dollar costs that far exceed the price tag of an initial blow, especially since we’re morally obligated to clean up our mess (e.g. Iraq). And when the American government spends that much money on war, that is money that at least in theory is not being allocated to education and healthcare. So ultimately, I still think sanctions are superior to war in a purely utilitarian sense.

But the larger point is that leaders like Kim Jong Il and Saddam Hussein are responsible for their people starving and dying. If they had anything in them that remotely resembled a soul or a conscience, they would see the effects that sanctions have THEIR OWN people and would DO SOMETHING about it. No, things don’t have to be the way they are, but I wouldn’t necessarily place much blame on sanctions. Sanctions do not strengthen people we want to weaken—those people are perfectly apt at strengthening themselves.

The problem is that we’re trying to use sanctions to manipulate governments that don’t give two shits about their people. But what’s the moral cost of doing nothing? How will history judge us if we decide that the best thing to do is nothing at all?”

Yes, it’s important that we do something. And I suppose we are, however futile our efforts may be. I also think it’s important to be thoughtful in our reactions so as not to be reactionary. And of course, above all, to stay informed, to care, to be moved, never turning a blind eye.

28° - Feels like 21°

Thu, 10 Dec 2009 07:43:00 -0600

28° - Feels like 21°

NK Money Shift Sparks Violence

Wed, 09 Dec 2009 10:57:40 -0600

NK Money Shift Sparks Violence

not a phone person

Wed, 09 Dec 2009 00:43:00 -0600

Yesterday after the evening lecture I sat in my car talking on the phone. Nervous and excited with a stupid grin on my face. It was sprinkling lightly and very cold but I didn’t care. Today I laid in the dark of my living room and did the same. Expressing and laughing and listening. These are conversations I could really get used to.

This part is fun. So, so, so fun.

crack

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 20:37:00 -0600

Last night I went to Prof. Osler’s lecture on “Crack, Senators, Money and Power.” I listened to a brief history of the crack trade as it relates to sentencing guidelines framed within Prof. Osler’s personal journey. I was struck by what changed him. It wasn’t an event, it was more basic—a speech. A courageously delivered speech. Courageous only because it was delivered with the knowledge that there would be no victory in court. Delivered simply because he knew that it was right. Speaking up for truth. It is a thing backed by the power of good. It’s the stuff that creates real change. Slow and labored as it may come.

The power of ordinary moments is striking. Is it not?

"It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to..."

Mon, 07 Dec 2009 23:49:55 -0600

“

It doesn’t interest me
what you do for a living.
I want to know
what you ache for
and if you dare to dream
of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me
how old you are.
I want to know
if you will risk
looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me
what planets are
squaring your moon…
I want to know
if you have touched
the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened
by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know
if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know
if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you
to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations
of being human.

It doesn’t interest me
if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear
the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know
if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live
or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me
who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me
where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know
what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know
if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like
the company you keep
in the empty moments.

”

- Oriah Mountain Dreamer

I need to do this.

Mon, 07 Dec 2009 00:34:00 -0600

I need to do this.:

Any warriors out there?
This is how I would like to celebrate the completion of my second year of law school.

How thrilling when the risk turns out well. What a way he has with words. ….. :)

Sun, 06 Dec 2009 23:59:11 -0600

How thrilling when the risk turns out well. What a way he has with words.

….. :)

weekend bits

Sun, 06 Dec 2009 13:04:00 -0600

What an eventful weekend. Things have finally slowed for me to write about them.

I drove to Austin on Friday after class and climbing. The apt 5 roomies and I went to “La Contesa” and ate fancy Mexican food. I had the Sunday Chicken and it was so, so, so delicious. A marriage of simple contrasting flavors created happiness in my mouth. The sweetness of grilled onions, the salty/creamy/savory plantain au gratin and moist roasted chicken, yum. Even the chips and salsa were fancy—four different kinds of salsa and a thick hefty chip with which to scoop.

Grawtch and Aimee :) And their tuna appetizer. And the fancy salsa.

Pork for Patty and Sunday Roast for me. Mmmm.

Booty Bizzle. Fo shizzle. Celebrating much—the completion of applications, finals and for me, just celebrating life.

Patty dancin’ all up on the performer and look who’s standing behind her? The Bearded Man of Her Dreams.

I loved this group’s sound because of him. A live rap/electro mash up. So great.

They said their names a zillion times and I even remember them saying “We are blank blank. You can’t forget that!” But I forgot. Patty into the mike: “BULLSHIIIIIIIIIIIIT.” The dude: “DAYUM.”

Suddenly the girl who never hugs anyone, was hugging everyone!

Whee!

Patty the piano teacher extraordinaire. This needs to be on your brochure. “Not only will I teach you piano, but these sweet moves.” And then she was sad because Bearded Man of Her Dreams went outside for a smoke.

But when he came back, I hooked a sistuh up. Patty lost all her moves because she was so happy. ARE HIS LIPS ON YOUR FACE?

The after party.

Food from two different places, pho and chicken nuggets. Yum.

Going to get haircuts.

While waiting we checked out Manfest which was in the parking lot of the barbershop. We didn’t quite know what was going on but people were dressed as vikings, renaissance people and there was a….centaur. We heard free tequila and beer and had time to kill.

Adorable, at Law Prom.

In the bathroom with law school friends. Without whom I would not have made it this far.

With sweet Liz.